A Sleepless Night, That Didn’t Feel So Long…
Sometime, someday, it will happen again. Love will once again wonder my way. It will not pass me by. I will notice. Failed attempts from before, refusals of what I knew was there, and countless times of me questioning “why not?” will come to an end. An altered state of mind allows me to realize my losses. I sink deep into my emotions. I am alive. In the depth of my thoughts, no, the deepness of my heart and soul, I recognize a missing piece. A piece that shouldn’t be considered missing at the age of twenty-two, but its gone and very apparent.
“Sitting, waiting, wishing” doesn’t seem to be enough right now. Not lonely, but memories of the world being lifted on a pedal stool echo in my mind. Days when I woke-up with energy from the thought of your face, your voice, your touch, and our future. Too young to truly appreciate what was real, too immature to take the right steps, and my biggest regret, too prideful to forgive. At the moment, I would do anything to be your everything.
Not the right time, nor the right place. Everything is wrong. How did I get here? One too many opportunities have taken place. My position right now is well deserved. I’m just here. Just being. Just going day-by-day, trying to figure out how to pass time, sleeping through days, and painting through nights. I’ve been up since 3 a.m. last night, “it’s 3 a.m. I must be lonely” lyrics just popped into my head. J I am not lonely though. No, I appreciated the feelings I had last night, but now the same emotions have lingered throughout my day. Time for the staggering feeling of not getting the attention I desire to vanish, please.
Time to pray and go to bed.
The Next Day...
Another Chance, Just Maybe…
Here it goes again, back around, “ring around the rosy…” Waiting for us to fall back down… I remind myself to take things slow. No pressure on the situation this time. No forcing circumstances. Just let things happen. I have a good feeling that they will. I have discovered that I do not feel the same way I used to. I do not experience the same emotions from the past. The rush is not really there. I have started to recognize why. This is no longer a new thing, it is not like when you are getting to know someone. We know far too much about each other, and everything in between. Four years back-and-fourth. This is not a challenge, I do not think of him and me like that, though it has seemed difficult. Our situation is comfortable.
We both know we could make each other happy in the long run. Our similarities and compatibility is far beyond most. Even our physical attraction to one another is different from the others. I think it is different. I can think back to the first few months we new each other. We saw nobody else that was “better looking,” we knew we were not the most beautiful people that existed, clearly, but some kind of shield was placed in both of us that wouldn’t let us think otherwise.
I am content right now. Right now I have Faith in Christ, and faith in us. Together the three of us will make the future what it was meant to be. Together. It’s all about timing.
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